Shooting Stars

So it's been a while. I actually just got up the courage today to finally write again. I've been afraid to write because I know once I've written it, then it makes everything even more of a reality. My last blog was about my Nan... and since then she has gone to be with Jesus. It's been so hard to say the least. It's been hard to say goodbye, hard to believe she's gone, hard to smile, hard to talk about, and mostly hard to remember she's no longer here. More than once I've picked up my phone to call her only to remember that I can't. I miss her so much. She was the only grandparent I have that I've ever been close to. I never had a grandfather growing up, and my other grandmother lives so far away that I only see her like once a year. My nan was so, so special to me and I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her. We had no idea she was to the point of dying. It was so unexpected. And so fast.

Nan got sick on Friday and was sent to the hospital by ambulance and place in ICU. Was still sick on Saturday but improving. Got waaay better on Sunday and got moved into a room, but by Sunday night she got a little worse so she got put back into ICU and then moved to UT hospital to recieve better care. At UT they placed her in critical care, but had promise of her getting better. So on Monday Brad and I left for our trip to Charleston, only because they told us she would be fine. We arrived in Charelston around 3:00pm and it wasn't 15 mins after we checked in that my mom called me to tell me they were sending Nan home with a hospice nurse so she could be more comfortable because they didn't expect her to make it. So we immediately checked back out of our hotel and drove all the way back to Knoxville. It was the longest drive back of my life. I prayed the entire way back that I could make it back so I could say goodbye. We made it to the hospital around midnight monday. I sat with Nan for a few hours and told her how much I love her and how much she has meant to me and I thanked her for being so wonderful. She couldn't talk back, but she responded to me by moving her eyebrows. Brad and I then went to my moms to sleep for a few hours, we'd been on the road for 15 hours monday. We went back to UT around 7:30am. She had gotten a lot worse and the doctors said they didn't think she would make the trip home so we decided to leave her at the hospital. We were by her side the whole day. The nurses said she could probably hear us talking so we talked to her nonstop. (Nan had talked to me a few weeks before about how if she got sick she didn't want everyone being sad or anything. All she ever wanted was for people to be happy.) Nan held on all day long, she fought so hard to stay with us. My mom and my aunts kept talking about how they had so many regrets and they just kept talking about how bad they felt about not doing more for her and things (which of course they did so much for her, everyone has regrets in these kinds of situations) and Nans heart rate kept going up. She didn't want to hear them being sad. So at about 10 til 12 that night I finally said to them, "Nan wouldn't want us to be talking about how bad we feel and she wouldn't want us to be sad, so we should talk about our favorite memories of her and happy things." So that's what we did. We told her it was okay to go and we would be okay and We started sharing memories and laughing and instantly her heart rate started dropping and her breathing got slower. It made her peaceful to hear us laughing and she finally let go. That's all she wanted was to hear us happy. She was so sweet like that.

One thing that really got to me was that I never personally asked her if she was saved. I knew she believed in God and that she read her bible and listened to gospel music, but I never came out and asked if she was Saved. But my family asked her and she said she was. And I talked to my brother and he said she definately was, they had talked about it many times. But I never got to talk to her about it and it was eating me alive. I wanted to hear her say it. I needed to know for myself. So that night that she died, when Brad and I pulled into my parents driveway, I got out of the car and looked into the sky. They sky was so dark, and so clear, and the stars where so bright. I cried out to God that if she was in Heaven with him to please let me see a shooting star. I stood there looking and looking for what seemed like forever(but really is probably more like 3 mins). That's all I needed for comfort. I never asked her, but I knew God would tell me. I kept looking, but saw nothing so I looked down at the ground and Brad told me to go in the house. I looked at him and said "I have to know" and at that moment, I looked up and there it was... A shooting star shot across the sky above my parents house. It went so far across the sky. It was beautiful. At that point I didn't know if I should laugh or cry, so I did both. I about fell to the ground. That moment was the single most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. If that shooting star doesn't prove that there's a God and Heaven, then I don't know what it will take for nonbelievers to believe. I see that shooting star every time I close my eyes and I smile. I know she's in Heaven and I will see her again.

Nan

Tonight hasn't been a good night. It's been a very bad night actually. My Nan (grandmother) was taken to the hospital by ambulance tonight and now she's in ICU. She has really bad emphysema and she's been really sick lately. But today she got worse and can't breathe at all. She's in really bad shape, so please keep her in your prayers.

So tonight I will blog about her... My nan is a very sweet lady. Nan is short for nanny (when all the grandkids got older, we just dropped it to nan.) I have so many great memories of her from my childhood. She was so much fun!! She would build us tents in the house with sheets and would play in them with us. She would sit out in the gravel driveway and make "roads" for our toy cars with me and my brother. She played basketball with us. She played dolls and barbies when I had no one to play with. One time, her neighbors kids had a pool and asked me to come swim with them but I didn't have a bathing suit, so she made me one (and it was super cute! She's handy that way.) And this is the best part of her... SHE HAS HER OWN SUPER NINTENDO!! Yup, I said it, her very own super nintendo! And she's good at it. It's so much fun to watch her play mario kart, haha, because she moves her arms in the direction she wants her car to go. And on super mario, when she wants her player to jump, she throws her arms up in the air (like that's supposed to help.) She makes the best chicken and dumplings in the WORLD and I was going to ask her to teach me how to make them... So I need her to get better so she can. I just love her so much. She's the greatest!! She's my friend and I always know I can go to her and talk about anything. She's really cool. Nan has a tatoo of winnie the pooh bear on her ankle, haha! She's a young grandmother (65!) I hold her dear to my heart.

I feel so guilty because I don't make it out to visit her very often. I should see her every single chance I get. And if anything, I should have called her all the time! I hate living so far away!! When Brad and I visit home, we never have enough time to see everyone. We need a better plan. I can't wait to see her tomorrow!!!

And to top off a bad night, my mom and I couldn't get ahold of my dad on his phone for more than 4 hours. We kept calling, but he wouldn't answer. I was about to have a panic attack. But no worries, he was just sleeping. ;-) Shew!

Please remember my Nan in your prayers and my family. Have a good night! God Bless.

RANDOM FACT about me: I have a birth mark on my forehead, between my eyebrows, that you can only see when I'm sick. When I'm sick, my birth mark turns read in the shape of a check mark. But that's the only time you see it. I was never able to fake being sick as a child to get out of school, because my parents always looked for my red check mark. My daddy has the same thing.

Mellowed

So I know I said I was going to post a list of random things about me tonight, but I was thinking about it and no one wants to just sit and read a list of stupid information about a person... SO instead I'm just going to post one random thing about myself every time I post a blog. On that note...

RANDOM FACT ABOUT ME: *When I was in Kenya, a man wanted to trade a cow for me and another girl that was in our group. It's a tradition in Africa to trade a cow to a father to get his daughter. And they liked what they saw and thought I was worth a whole cow. Yikes!*

I had a great night tonight! The hubby and I went out to eat with our friends, Erin and Brandon. We went to dinner at MELLOW MUSHROOM... yum! I'm not a huge fan of their pizza, but they have amazing hoagies! My belly was haaaappyyyy! I mean... yeah we had to wait for 45 mins to get a table, and then probably another 45 mins to get our food but it was totally worth it! Plus I wasn't complaining because I got to catch up with good friends. Lots of laughs were exchanged. (the photo above of Erin and I was obviously not from our dinner, I just had to use what was on my computer. Don't you love my maggie simpson t-shirt? Got it when I was 5 and I still rock it all the time!)

After dinner, I had a nice relaxing night with my wonderful, sexy, sweet husband! Then he grampa'd out and went to bed. So here I am at 1a.m. writing this blog. Oh how I wish I could go to sleep at a decent hour. Insomnia is not my friend.

My gal pal Leah gave me the best idea for an anniversary gift for Brad this year (I can't believe we've been married for 2 years coming June! I say it all the time, but I still don't believe it.) I'm not gonna tell you what the idea is right now in case Brad reads this, but I will share with you when I can! :-) I'm super excited about it. THANKS LEAH!!

Well, it's that time to force myself to get some zzz's.

And just for fun, I'll leave you with one more random fact...
I love potato chips... Love them... I've never been a cake or ice cream eater, my love has always been chips. And Cheese... Love that too! In fact, as a kid, when we would go to the store and my mom told my brother and I we could buy something, he would get candy, I would get cheese. Every time. I mean I was a young kid with a chance to buy CANDY, but I chose blocks of chedder cheese.. and sometimes chips. Does this make me a weird person?
Good-night blogger boos!

Happiness

Hello Bloggers! So it's been a while since I last wrote. You haven't missed anything, so no worries. My life become a little more boring every single day. BUT no matter how boring and unproductive my life has been since graduation, I am still just as happy. I have lots to be happy about--> A great husband, good friends, awesome family, and the sweetest dog ever. I'll admit it though, there are friends in my past that I miss dearly but life and distance seems to always get in the way. Stupid distance!



Speaking of distance... Brad and I are going on our very first trip to Charleston, SC next week for spring break! Wooo-hoo! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am. I think the thing that excites me the most is getting to see the palces one of my all time favorite movies was filmed! (The Notebook) And I WILL lay under that stop light. Just wait... I'll have pics. I loooove history so very much and I can't wait to take it all in. I've been researching things to do there, but does anyone have any suggestions?! I'd love to hear them! Like which Plantation is the best? And what kind of tour should we take- a walking tour, carriage tour, ghost tour, etc.? I'm filled with excitment just thinking about it!

I finally get to go home and visit my family this weekend, which makes me jump with joy! I haven't seen my daddy in over a month and a half and I only saw my mom for about an hour in that time span... so it will be great to finally visit with them. I always worry that my visits with my dad will be my last, because of his health. (Just to fill you in on my dad... He has serious heart problems. He was born with a heart disease and he had 2 major heart surgeries about 5 years ago. He has an artificial heart valve. He has terrible spells all the time where he blacks out and things AND he works out of town all over the place when he's not really supposed to be. So it's a scary situation for a daddy's girl.) So with that said, you can understand why a month and a half is a long time to go without seeing him. PLUS I get to see my niece and nephews too! So it's gonna be a great weekend!

Earlier this week I was thinking that I am going to post fun random things about myself, but I'll do that tomorrow. I talk about myself all the time, but that doesn't really say too much about me. So I thought a few random facts would be fun!

But for now, I'm going to try to fight this insomnia I've had for 2 months now and go to bed. I was up until 5:30 this morning because stupie me took Migraine medicine at 9p.m. and it has caffeine in it. It was a terrible night to say the least. So sweet dreams world!

Maybe This Life is Just About Love and Tenderness

Well, I survived the snow and actually got to spend a full weekend in the sunshine. It was wooonderful! The weekend was great... full day of shopping of Friday and I scored some major awesome deals! Good deals make me happy.

Saturday was spent celebrating Brad's cousins 21st birthday. It made me feel old. There were a lot of teeny-boppers at his party and I felt ancient... I'm just glad we left before the cops showed up (Yikes!) It was fun though, none the less. Oh to be 21 again.

And the best day was Sunday... Brad and I did a couples shoot with Lori Hensley. She is amazing and I luuuuv her and her hubby. They were super cute and tons of fun! I can't WAIT to see the pictures in a couple of weeks!! In fact, I couldn't even sleep Sunday night because that's all I could think of.

The bad news of the weekend consists of not one but TWO bad hair "trims". The guy who usually cuts my hair is in Knoxville, but I didn't have time to go to Knoxville, and I need a trim to even up my hair (it was longer on one side than the other) so on Saturday morning I had to go to a random salon to get it trimmed. I went in, told them that all I wanted was a trim and to even up the side and not to touch the back... well the first thing the lady did was chop off random spots in the back. Then she unevenly cut the shorter side, and by uneven I mean butchered it! It was terrible. Then she left the longer side still longer. GRRR! I was so mad! So I went to the party with crappy hair. Sunday morning I went in for them to fix it before our pictures and the lady who got the pleasure fixing it was shocked to say the least of the terrible mess on my head. She had to cut so much off my already too short hair. So much for growing it out! And it's not even cute. Oh well... I'll just continue taking my Biotin vitiamins.

Enough hair talk... So I've been really excited lately. I get to plan another wedding! Yay! But this time it's not my own. I'm helping my sister-in-law plan hers and my bros wedding renewal. I can't believe this will be their 5th year! They never had a ceremony for family, so they are going to do it for the 5 year anniversary. And she asked me to help her. It makes me sooo happy to do it! If anyone knows of any place near Knoxville with a big tree in a field, please let me know, because that's what she wants. I just can't find it. But I won't give up the hunt, she's going to get her tree in a field. She deserves it!! She's been through a lot the past couple of years and she deserves the BEST! By the way, my brother is going to be home in May now... yay!

I know this is random, but if I write it then I will most likely do it. I'm going to try hiking again. I gave it up a couple of years ago. Brad and I were on a hike in Greenville and were almost attacked by a mountain lion. And by almost, I mean it was roaring like thunder at us and then proceeded to chase us after I ran from it, which I learned you ARE NEVER SUPPOSED TO RUN! I've been afraid of hiking ever since then. But this year I'm going to go for it.

Well blogger friends, I'm going to continue the wedding planning now until I go to bed. Have a wonderful night, or day depending on when you read this!

All I Need is the Air I Breathe

Well, sadly it's be a couple of weeks since the last time I wrote. I've had way too much going on lately. So a nice calm day with nothing to do has been nice. Yesterday was Valentine's Day.... So HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY (late)! I had the most amazing Valentine's Day ever! We didn't do anything that we had planned... We first planned to go to Nashville to see Edwin McCain play at the 3rd and Lindsley again, but we decided it would be too hard to get back for Brad to go to work today. Our second plan was to get a cabin in Gatlinburg for the weekend, BUT who knew they would all be booked weeks before Valentine's Day?! So then we thought a hotel would be a nice get-away... but noooo! Those were all booked too, unless we wanted to get a run down place with bad reviews, and let's face it that don't sound too romantic. So at the last minute I decided to turn our house into a nice "get-away". I decorated the living room with lots of white candles and white lights hanging from every where and I brought in a table to eat at with white table cloths and red dinner plates. It looked sooo pretty! And I bought a new white comforter for the bed and place white lights and white candles around the room. It was perfect! Our own little hotel! It was a nice alternative to going away. This was our third Valentine's Day together, and I look forward to 60+ more!

So, have I ever said how much I HATE cold weather and snow?! Because I do! The only fun thing about it is snow sledding, and that's only fun for a couple of hours. It's snowing AGAIN! Dang "global warming"!! I have spring fever in a bad way and to see it snow makes me sad. I'm ready for warm sunshine on my skin... not piercing cold wind!

Is it weird that I hate cold weather, but LOVE coats? I have way too many coats. I'm addicted to them. Our BIG coat closet is over stuffed and I can't bare to give any of them away because "I might wear that sometime." I have a serious sickness of not being able to give away things because maybe, just maybe I will wear it or use to someday. I get it from my dad... I completely blame him. You should see his garage of "I might need it sometime." Yeppers, he's to blame for my unability to give things away.

Speaking of addictions, Stupid facebook is taking up way too much of my time! Farmville, Cafe' World, Island Paradise, My Town... I hate them, but at the same time I can't stop harvesting and cooking and building!! I try to ignore them, but then I look over at my notifications and see that I have gifts and I just have to use them. I can't help myself. And then I don't like to publish when I can give away free stuff to friends because I'm embarrased to be playing them. Shew, I need help. But I do have to give myself props that I don't care if my crops spoil, or if people steal all my stuff. So go ahead and steal all my animals fur and eggs! I don't care!

Okay, I've ranted enough today. I really need a job! I'm applying for one this week! Woo-hoo! I'll write again soon if I survive this snow! Dream Big people!

P.S.
I am so happy for my life! It's turned out exactly the way it should!

Bridge Over Troubled Water

Tonight, my heart is breaking. It's breaking for a lot of reasons. First, my heart is breaking because my dear brother is leaving in a couple of days for whole year. He's leaving to make some life changes, which are much needed. I am happy for him to go so he can become the man he was born to be, but I'm sad that he won't be around. But I know that it's in God's hands and that everything will work out for the best. I am mostly sad for his wife and kids because I know it will be hard for them. But this is God's will.

Second, my heart is breaking for Haiti. I've been watching the news every night and when I see how the people of Haiti are suffering it breaks me in two. I just want to reach out and give them my hand. I feel so helpless. I want to be there to give them a hug and tell them that everything is going to be okay. To see bodies being dumped into piles and left to rot in the sun makes me sick. To see children without mothers and fathers makes me want to bring them all home to be with me. I want to hold them and make them smile. The fact that they pulled someone alive out of the rubble yesterday (15 days after the quake) proves that God is with them. I am amazed that the Haitians still have so much faith. Americans lack the faith that they have. And that too makes me sad. They have lost hundreds of thousands of people, but are still giving glory to God. It brings tears to my eyes when the news shows people singing and praying in the streets to God.

Third, my heart is broken for a family from Campbell County who just lost the wife and mother to a battle with cancer. I don't personally know her, but I've been following her health for months now on facebook. Her husband has found good in everything she has gone through by having faith in the Lord. She has fought her battle for many years, but passed away earlier this week. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for some reason. Please pray for her family.

On the other hand, today has been a great day. It's snowing a whole lot outside. Normally I don't like the snow, but tonight I am actually enjoying it. I am home spending time with my love. I have found a new favorite musician to listen to--> Joshua Radin. He is amazing!! I am getting ready to pick up the guitar for the first time to learn how to play. I've been wanting to learn to play for a while now, so I thought this would be a great time to learn! I also plan to learn how to play the violin one day. I MUST learn how!! Learning the piano would also be great! I have no hope on singing... I just can't. I've tried, failed, and I'm content with that. I will just continue to dance. I love dancing. Although it's much harder to do in my older years!

Tomorrow...I plan on playing in the snow, starting the Love Dare (from the movie Fireproof), and learning something new. I also plan on falling completely in love with my husband all over again. I love him with all my heart already, but I want butterflies again!! We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary from the day we started dating on January 28th. I can't believe it's already been 3 years! Where does time go? This is going to be a great year!

Good night all... Pray for happiness for the broken in this world. One of my dear friends told me to PRAY BIG, so that's what I intend on doing. Love, love, love!!